Smorgasbord

As I sit here at my computer, listening to "Polka on the Banjo," happy with my lunch of chicken masaman curry with rice, I can't help but think about a few things that have crossed my mind over the last couple of weeks. Random things that caught my attention and soon became the subjects of my daydreams. So that's really the theme for this post. Random thoughts, no real thread tying them together other than, well, their randomness and the fact that I thought about them. You haven't. Yet.

1. Burping is one of those things you never knew you needed to do.
I mean, somtimes you get gassy and need to let out some gas through one hole or the other, but that's not what im talking about. Often enough you just burp without warning or expectation (out loud or discretely) and suddenly the world becomes a happier place. You feel better. You smile to yourself. You high-five the stranger next to you.

2. Talk show hosts say a bunch of nonsense to their guests during ad breaks.
The next time you watch Conan or Letterman or whoever, notice what they do right after the announce the first ad break after their first guest comes on. They always seem to lean towards their guest and smile and say something like "Thank you" or whatever before talking about some other nonsense. I think it's all a load of bull. They've met them backstage. They've thanked them for coming on their shows. I think they're just playing a little game that we've all played when we were younger (and still play now) where there are three people and you whisper some sort of nonsense into one person's ear and pretend like it's the most imporant thing in the world to make the third feel left out and laugh about it without letting the other person know. That is the game that Conan and Letterman play. I have uncovered their secret. They make me feel left out.

3. I am easily fooled by lab coats.
Store people at Kiehl's wear lab coats. And coax me into buying expensive nonsense that I then don't necessarily use. All because they seem like they know what they're doing, even if they're just reading what's written behind the product. I have failed in my attempt at being an intelligent consumer.

4. Why are cartoons becoming more and more realistic?
Do they want to be called sit-coms?

5. My shuttle driver is a wise man
The other day he tried to convince me that the two smartest people in the history of mankind were the two chaps that invented GPS and the rice cooker. I like my shuttle driver.

6. Using hand sanitizer after you pee is pointless
Hand sanitizer kills germs. Urine is virtually sterile. What are you achieving here? I mean, come on now...

The Greatest Thing Since...

...sliced bread? That's the standard expression isn't it? "OMG this is like soooo awesomeee, it's like, the greatest thing since sliced bread!" No. No thanks.

What might first come across as a stern critique of sentence construction in generation whateveryouwanttocallit, is actually more than just that. I won't go into the details of how peeps these days use stupid filler words like, "like," because I definitely do as well. Rather, this is an attack on the greatness of sliced bread. Didn't see that one coming, did you? DID YOU???

I mean, ok, sliced bread is good and convenient and whatnot but is it really that great? I mean, think about it...you could just cut a baguette in half and make a sandwich and it would probably taste better. As for toast, well you can toast any sort of bread and it'll taste good. Sliced bread is good and convenient and I'm a fan, but does its greatness deserve the reverence that is showered upon it? I think not.

These, on the other hand, are quite marvelous and are rather under-rated and are greater than sliced bread:

1. Automatic faucets
Not only do these save water, money and the environment, but they are also quite convenient for (closet) germophobes like me. There is no touching of the faucet involved. No touching. Who knows where people's fingers have been right before they try turning on a tap. An automtic faucet means you don't have to use a paper towel to open the tap, thereby saving trees along with water.

2. Cooking
Fire doesn't get the respect it deserves. Cooking is never given the credit she deserves (yes, she's feminine). Can you imagine eating raw chicken or pork? I can't, because I can't imagine dying. Also, Going back to the bread thing, there wouldn't even be bread without cooking, let alone sliced bread (maybe in the olden days, before the invention of sliced bread, people said, "OMG this is the greatest thing since baking." Unclear.).

3. Shoes
Walking bare foot is one of the ways I feel like I'm home and can relax but at the same time I wouldn't want to walk around the streets with no shoes. The concept of putting a layer of padding between your foot and the ground is ingenious. Whoever thought of it deserves a prize. Maybe making 2008-2009 the return of the gladiator sandal is our way of showing the shoe inventor that we still love him.

Peaceful Coexistence

First of all, I must apologize for the delay between postings. Life has been a little crazy for a number of reasons and I will do my best to change that. It's now 5:30am and I am posting because I cannot sleep and am awake for no good reason. Finally I have a spot of time that's pretty stress free.

The news for the last few weeks has been dominated by what's been happening in Iran and how the protests show serious cracks in the system, similar to those that were seen in 1979 which eventually made Pahlavi flee the country in 1979. Whether or not this truly means that Iran will become more democratic is up for debate - some say it's a matter of when rather than if but at the same time you have the dragooning that might prove to be a significant obstacle. Whether or not Khamenei and Mousavi can peacefully coexist remains to be seen, but that is not what this blog post is all about, believe it or not.


All this talk of peaceful coexistence made me think about instances of the same that I have seen/observed. Now while these aren't necessarily as significant as what I just mentioned above, they aren't trivial either. So here's a list that shows that peaceful coexistence is possible:

1. DBGB and Dogmatic

Few could have ever seen this coming...Two places that pride themselves upon their ability to make amazing sausage. One calls themselves a Gourmet Sausage System while the master behind the other boldly proclaims to have loved sausage ever since he was born. How can they both survive? They're both special in their own way. DBGB's Viennoise is countered by Dogmatic's Turkey with Truffle Gruyere. The former's baba au rhum for dessert faces stiff competition from the latter's drool-inducing vanilla ice-cream. The list goes on. And hopefully, so will these two. For a long time.

2. Leno (now Conan) and Letterman

When Leno stepped down, it ended a pretty bitter rivalry that Letterman and he shared. Although the ratings always favoured Leno, Letterman did have his moments of magic like this. And now, that rivalry will continue...what Letterman loses with Paul Shaffer, Conan gains with Max Weinberg. What Conan loses with having Jimmy Fallon following him, Letterman gains with having a vastly improved Craig Ferguson.

3. Button-fly vs. Zip-fly jeans

Is there a tougher choice to be made in this world? Little did Gideon Sundback know that by essentially inventing the modern zipper he would be adding massive amounts of stress to shoppers around the world, for generations to come, piling on questions with no good answer...Should I choose comfort over fit? Should I choose urinating convenience over potentially peeing in my pants? Should I remove chances of embarassing myself by forgetting to unzip my pants or risk the chance of losing a button and having it all hang out? Questions, questions, questions...

4. The roof-top bar and the bar with outdoor seating

Oh summertime (it's one word now). Besides being an acute skew in the ratio of exposed skin to covered skin, summertime also gives rise to another phenomenon - outdoor drinking. And most outdoor drinking experiences can be categorized into rooftop or outdoor/patio. Fortunately for us all, the city has an abundance of both as well as more than enough people to fill them both. Rooftop bars easily trounce their counterparts with their view, the bars with patios have some killer people-watching potential. The one clear advantage that rooftop bars have is the ability to spit on the people below. One could argue that this could be by spitting at people as they walk by below too, but I would advise against that.

The way Indians look at a photograph...

So here's an interesting photograph that was all over the tabloids that I never read. Ever.

Now while the kind folks at wherever were nice enough to blow up the faces of Rihanna and Chris Brown and talk about what a big deal it was for them to be a few feet away from each other, every Indian that looks at this picture will focus something (or rather, someone) else.

Two seats to Rihanna's right lies the focus of mine and every Indian's attention. Ladies and gentleman, behold the Sardarji. Don't miss the matching turban.

He talks to me, teaches me, and is kind to me.

It seems like this chap above has taken it upon himself to make his presence known to me in the bathroom. I have no control over this, it just seems to happen. The latest of these episodes occurred last Sunday at Norma's in the city which, just by the way, might have the best orange juice I have ever tasted. The brunch in general is fantastic too, but that's a different matter altogether.

First, some background:

(Some of the details might seem arbitrary and/or unnecessary, but it will all fall into place at the end)

1. Wardrobe: Shirt with shorts and belt. Shorts had button fly. Belt was a military-style fabric belt.

2. Ipod scenario: I have a 160gb Ipod (sadly they don't make them that big any more). My case of choice is the one made by Contour Design. Have had the case ever since I bought the Ipod. Bought the Ipod a couple of years ago. Case is well scratched up. Case-replacement has been needed for a few months now. Case-replacement has been put off due to laziness.

3. Bladder scenario: I pee a lot

4. Location: Norma's and Norma's bathroom

5. Beverage intake: Water and OJ. Bottomless.

So anyway, here's what happened. Multiple glasses of water and juice were consumed. Excretory system functioned at top speed. Bladder filled up rather quickly. Brain received message. Limbs responded. Bathroom was reached.

This is where the problems began.

I had my Ipod hitched to my belt, and had button-fly shorts, which meant I had to undo the belt. My need to pee greatly dampened my presence of mind. The Ipod was left untouched. The laws of gravity cranked into gear. The Ipod fell to the ground. I stared in horror. I continued peeing. I finished peeing. I then freaked out a little, and didn’t know what to do.

How did He talk to me?
Men can’t really aim so the ground beneath a urinal always has a nice little cocktail of urine from a variety of sources. Having the Ipod fall down to the ground was his way of telling me to get a new cover NOW.

How did he teach me?
He basically taught me not to procrastinate excessively. He showed me that a stitch in time could indeed have saved nine, or could have kept the pee away from the Ipod. You know what I mean.

How was he kind to me?
Firstly, He made sure the Ipod did not fall down face first into the pee (the scroll-wheel on the front is the only part that is exposed). Secondly, He gave me the wisdom to choose this particular cover which is easy to remove. I gathered a whole bunch of tissues, picked up the Ipod, took it out of its cover, dropped the cover into the trash can and saved the Ipod, never letting the pee-pee touch my fingers or the Ipod.

I have since bought a new case that is identical to that lost one.

Things that work has taught me

So as my birthday month comes to a close, I can confidently say that it has involved a fair share of reflection, thought and contemplation. I now know the meaning of life, the origin of sausage, the national fruit of the planet formerly known as Pluto, and the reason behind the ubiquitous "peace sign" in every Asian photograph. I also had to go into work on a Sunday where I tried to be productive and list out the important things that work has taught me:

1. Dessert gives a meal closure:
Maybe it's the not-so-great cafeteria, or maybe it's my love for all things sweet, but no meal at work is satisfactory without some for of dessert. Now for those of you that think I spend my post-lunch time stuffing my face twinkies or eating copious amounts of apple pie, check yourself. That only happens on Tuesdays. Wednesdays too, on occasion. Sadly, I make do with watermelon flavoured chewing-gum (thank you, Orbit Mist) or overly sweetened coffee on most days.

2. A hoagie/hero/sub/whatever you want to call it costs as much as a wrap but fills you up more:
I've watched a few people watch in amazement as I ask the sandwich lady for a hero rather than the usual wrap or roll that most people ask for. They stand back and invariably order the same when their turn comes along. They feel the need to try what the cool chap in front of them just ordered. And for good reason too. The bread tastes better and it fills you up more. Win-win situation? Oh yes.

3. A smuggled cafeteria meatball tastes fantastic:
What's that about the forbidden fruit being the sweetest? Oh yeah, it's true.

4. Small talk and silence are both bloody awkward at a urinal:
For some reason there is nothing non-awkward about peeing next to a co-worker. No matter how well you know him, it's just awkward. Should you make small talk? Should you be silent? It doesn't matter because it'll be awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.

5. A desk job ensures that you become super fast at using the num-pad on a keyboard without making any mistakes:
Well, anyone can use it super fast without looking but the not making any mistakes part is what distinguishes the people with lives from the people that work at a desk.

6. Realisation that few things are as satisfying as dropping a deuce at work:
Why? Well, why not? I've gone into detail about this before, but for those that missed that post - You're relieving yourself. You're getting paid to relieve yourself. You can walk back to your desk with a smile on your face. You feel that much lighter. You've heard the guy in the stall next to you trying to be discreet while you let one rip. There really aren't too many things that compare.

Pre-Birthday Reflections

So I turn a year older tomorrow. I'll be special for one day. Until my next birthday. Maybe I'll get presents (hint: I want presents). But turning older makes me wiser in theory and I feel like I must reflect and contemplate the mystery that is life. For this edition of sususamba, I shall go through some of the conventions that our jaded society has engrained in our heads for no good reason and has thus made our lives so much more complicated. It would be easier if humans remembered the little joys of life and did not get caught up in the unnecessary trials and tribulations that do anything but enrich that interval between birth and death.

Conventions that I will reverse when I rule the world:

1. Ironed clothes
An office-going bachelor's worst enemy is the wrinkled shirt/pair of trousers. Why can't I just walk into work with a wrinkled up shirt without having people think I just walked in after a long night out?

2. A lack of/well-groomed facial hair
One of the thinks I look forward to most on weekends is the freedom to not shave. It takes too much time and is too much of a hassle.

3. Farting in the absence of others
Ok, this one might be debatable because of the smell aspect, but few things are as liberating as letting one rip in a place full of people. Think I'm weird? The next time you're at a loud, crowded bar or club, try it. You won't have to feel conscious because nobody will hear it and anyone could be the dealer of the stench. But you will know. And you will smile. I have smiled many times before. Many times.

4. Breakfast food only being eaten in the morning
I salute restaurants that serve breakfast all day. I frown upon people that have told me it's weird to eat a good omelette at night.

5. Paying for things you buy
Ok, this might be hard because of a little thing called economics but when I rule the world economics won't matter. Shopping will be free. And I will be pleased.

6. Having your schedule determine the time you wake up
This would be reversed. Sleep is good. If you disagree, tell me so when we meet next and I will slap you.

Also, interestingly, as I read over what I just wrote, I see that the subjects I speak about are: work, eating/drinking, toilet, sleep, shopping. These are pretty much the main focuses of my life right now. Happy birthday to me.

Call him what you want, but he's up there...

So I don't know how much I believe in religion but I definitely there's someone up there doing things, making things, breaking things, and what have you. I was reminded of his/her existence today at work. Call that person God or whatever else you'd like to, I'm pretty sure that this being exists in some form or the other. How was I reminded of this, you ask? Well clearly that being didn't endow you with the virtue of patience. But anyway, here's the story...

Few things in life are as satisfying as taking a dump at work. Oh I said it. Feign disgust if you may, but I know all of you reading this that have worked in an office feel the same way. Here's why dropping the pressure at work is so awesome:

1. You get paid for relieving yourself
2. You can break scoring records on games on your cellphone
3. You can catch up on reading
4. You can escape work for a few minutes
5. You can have some "you" time
6. You can observe the toilet habits of your co-workers
7. You can play a guessing game with yourself trying to figure out the identity of the defecator in the next stall

But I digress...this post was supposed to be about how I was reminded of the existence of the chap up there. So today I felt the urge to drop a deuce and made my way to the poo-poo-house. I was happy to find it empty and proceeded to wipe down the seat and double-line it with toilet paper before I sat down to do my business. I started playing a game on my phone and was content with life when suddenly, the phone slipped out of my hand, hit the floor, and slid about 4 feet to my right, before finally settling in the stall next to mine. This was the first reminder of the chap's existence - I was the only one in the bathroom at the time. But clearly that could change any second.

Sort-of-related sidenote: Can you imagine the conversation if the stall next to mine had been occupied?
Me - Err, hello there dear Co-worker That Is Taking A Dump
CTITAD - Um, hi. Thank you for interrupting me. I was this close to creating a new high score...
Me - Any time. Umm, could you please hand me my phone so that I may try to do the same? Thanks!

I naturally did what anyone in my place would do. I panicked, I hyperventilated, I quickly did my bit to ensure demand for Georgia-Pacific, all the while hoping that nobody else would enter my little kingdom. Luckily, nobody did (Reminder #2).

I smiled to myself, picked up my mobile communication device, put it in my pocket, and went to wash my hands. I couldn't stop smiling. He was up there and he was smiling down on me.

Nein. Nahin. Non. No.

Here's a list of things you cannot have:

1. Multiple "Best Friends"
Errr best = better than ALL the rest = better than anyone = singular. Tina Turner knew. You should too.

2. A "Most Unique" anything
Redundant. Sick and tired of seeing reviews of restaurants/places/cities/whatever that describe it as being the "most unique" whatever.

3. A good cover of a classic song
It's a classic. Leave it alone. Appreciate it for what it is. And don't try to imitate it. You will fail.

4. A chap that looks good with jeans and a denim jacket
Top or bottom. Choose one. Never both. Never both.

5. Too much free time
Such a thing just doesn't exist. Boredom? Yes, that's a possibility. But too much free time? Nein.

6. Music of a genre "that all sounds the same"
Do us all a favour and keep comments like this to yourself. For example, saying that electronic music all sounds the same is pure ignorance and shows your lack of an ability to discern.

7. A lack of an appetite or a desire to eat because 'it's an odd time'
Eat when you're hungry. I don't care what the clock says. Your stomach knows what time it is. And your stomach will tell you. Smart thing, this stomach of yours.

8. Too many birthday presents
Not possible. If you want to test out the theory, buy me a crap load of birthday presents and see if it makes me mad. Try it. Please.

Sun, Sand and an Old Lady

Dinner and a ???

Food is quite good. I mean, what's not to like? I guess vegetarians could argue against me but they aren't real people so that doesn't count. BUT what makes food better is pairing it with a fun activity. Great company always complements great food but other than that, here's my list of things to do while you eat:

1. Live Jazz/other live music

I just got back from Jazz at the Lincoln Center and it was pretty fantastic. So much so that it inspired me to write this post. Live music is almost always good and this was no exception. Plus the guitarist chap seemed cool in the elevator after the show. What I don't understand are people who walk in 90 mins late for a 2 hour show. Yeah, I'm sure they're busy and whatnot but are you kidding me? Stay at home and order take out next time.

2. Medieval Times

I have been to Medieval Times twice. How many times has my knight won? ZERO. I still hold a grudge against the Blue knight (oddly enough I was placed in the blue knight section both times). But it's still a fun experience when you're ten, or however old I was at the time. I like people responding to my banging on the table with a plate, by coming over with more food.


3. Movie

Food tastes so much better when it's smuggled into a movie theater. This is one of the many uses of the gigantic handbags that female human beings carry. Munching on a nice fat burrito from Chipotle, while watching a movie, is pretty awesome. Plus, the people around you give you dirty looks when you noisily unwrap or tear the foil. But these dirt looks don't bother me one bit. I know it's merely their way of channeling their jealousy. Burrito>Popcorn. I win.


4. Live Sports

Few things beat watching a sport live, in the flesh. Being at a stadium, surrounded by thousands of crazies, watching your heroes battle it out, living vicariously through the athletes, wishing you had the ability to control the happiness or sadness of thousands watching you at the stadium or elsewhere, makes any sort of food taste really good. Soggy pizza, mystery-meat hot-dogs, salty dry pretzels - bring it on. Wolfing down junk food to fuel your adrenaline rush fools the taste buds easily. Throw in a beer and it's perfect.

5. TV Shows

TV shows can be quite addictive. I've found that good simple food at home pairs well with good TV. Maybe that's only because I live alone at the moment but it's a worthy companion. The only drawback is that sometimes I get too engrossed in the show and 30 minutes later, my food is cold. However, few things beat following a long day at work with kicking back on a comfy couch with tasty food and entertaining television.

How I entertain myself at a train station...

Time goes by...

One of the things I like to have a list of is "Places to hit up to kill time" in the city. Yeah there are the typical sleeping, going to museums, hanging out at the park kinda deals but you can only do so much of that. So anyway, here's my latest list:

During the day, when stores are open:

1. Virgin Records
Sadly, this will soon be a thing of the past. I've spent countless hours of my life at these stores and would gladly repeat over and over. Whether it's the new releases section in the front or the electronic music section in the back, Virgin is quite magical. I've discovered more than a few gems here, thanks to the way stuff is displayed but more importantly, the store has also rescued me when nature has called.

2. Bookstores - Barnes&Noble, Borders etc.
This is probably the easiest place to kill time. Why? Bookstores have books. Books are interesting and enjoyable. Reading books takes time. Connect the dots - Bookstores are an enjoyable way to kill time. Plus, they usually have cafes that overcharge you for little nonsense like scones n shit but I feel compelled to buy something anyway, as a sort of tolling fee for reading their books without buying any. They also have answering machines for nature-calls.

In the morning, before most stores open:

1. Street Markets:
Although these cannot satisfy my urinary or defecatory needs, they're generally awesome places to kill time. There's always a plethora of interestng characters selling overpriced junk to fools that think they're getting a super deal (I have been amongst the fools many times). These markets also usually have good food and drink that's fun to munch/sip on while you walk around.

2. Barbershops:
These usually open early and always have space for walk-ins in the morning. Few things in life make me as happy as getting a good haircut (shampoo, massage and all). Maybe it's just me but being able to sit there in a comfy chair, sipping on tea or a beverage of my choice, while someone (usually an attractive female) plays with my hair whilst shampooing and cutting it makes me smile. It also makes me look like a true hero. Always.

In the evening, when stores are closed:

1. Sheesha/Hookah
I'd like to think of my system as being fairly free of debauchery-related toxins and so my conscience and the joy of sheesha allow me to hit up a sheesha bar every now and then. Usually, Horus Cafe (10th and A, not 6th and B) is the destination of choice. An orange sheesha, a mixed grill platter and two hours later, I'm a happy chap.

Late at night, after leaving the bars and before going to bed:

1. Korean BBQ
Three words: Kum Gang Sang. I don't know what the hell that means, but to me it represents so much more than a 24-hour Korean barbeque place that has great food. Where else can you have:
a) rock climbing
b) a waterfall
c) a white piano that is sometimes played and
d) science lessons
while you stuff your face with bulgogi? The answer is nowhere. Nowhere but KGS (and I'm not referring to the Karachi Grammar School). Added bonus: the panchan keeps changing and they've been throwing in added freebies like salad and dessert as well. What an experience.

Upside Down but Rightside Up

Odd food combinations that could kill you, while tasting great.

1. Goat-cheese stuffed Corn Bread - 202
Who knew? Who knew? Such an awesome combination and yet this weekend was the first time I had ever come across it. Corn bread by itself is awesome and goat cheese...you know what I think about goat cheese. Put them together...mmm.

2. Bacon Chocolate Bars - Vosges
Don't gag. Don't vomit. Give it a chance. I read about it in a magazine and knew I had to try it. It's definitely different, but it works. Think salted caramel with chocolate with a little meat thrown in. Words can't describe it well, so go try it out.

3. Bagel Dogs - Auntie Anne's
Taking unhealthy things at a fast food joint and making them unhealthier usually ends in vomitous diaster (think deep fried cheesecake or mac n cheese bites), but Auntie Anne really did well here. The bread is soft and buttery and the hot dog is, well, a hot dog. A perfect snack to chomp on while you walk around a mall.

4. Deep fried Hollandaise with Eggs Benedict - WD~50
Yeah, I know it sounds terrible, but Wylie Dufresne is quite the magician. I'm not a fan of eggs benedict but I ordered these anyway and was converted immediately. The entire dish looked unlike anything I had ever eaten before and the combination of the eggs and the bacon and the deep fried hollaindaise was almost perfect.

5. Pickle Sandwiches - home (not the restaurant)
Note: Pickle here doesn't refer to the little cucumbers preserved in brine but rather, Indian pickle. I refuse to explain what it is, so if you are curious, google it.
Pickle sandwiches are the ultimate snack. So tasty, so easy to make and yet...so unhealthy. Take two slices of nutrition-less soft white bread with a generous layer of oil-laden mango pickle in between them and you have a cardiologist's nightmare. And a hungry man's wet dream.

6. Bagel Rolls - every sushi place in Atlanta
The South has its way of asserting its influence on anything and everything. The Japanese came with their healthy raw fish and rice and the South said "Nay, we must maintain our gigantum waistlines" and invented the Bagel Roll. Rice rolled around a big chunk of cream cheese, a small piece of salmon, dipped in batter and deep fried. Two small pieces are more than I can take at a given meal and although they aren't spectacular, they're pretty good.

7. Frito Pie - Sonic or other places in the Souf
Another Southern Star. There's chilli which is loaded with calories even without the cheese that's added on top, but clearly the Southerners weren't happy with just that. No no no no no. The calorific content was not nearly high enough so they threw in Frito's with chilli and cheese and rolled it up in a lardy tortilla and gave birth to the Frito Pie. I could feel it clogging my arteries right away, but knew that if I died right there, it wouldn't be such a sad demise.

8. Meat Chips - KaDeWe Food Hall
The Germans might not have too many superstars in the culinary world but the creator of this is definitely an unsung hero. I shall therefore sing his praise. He's a genius. Whoever it was, he/she took two of the greatest things - meat and chips - and morphed them into one and created the Meat Chip. The Ultimate Snack. Health Schmealth, meat chips are awesome.

9. Cheesecake Lollipop Tree - David Burke Townhouse
Technically, this isn't an odd food combination because it's just cheesecake, but it's in the presentation. Everyone loves lollipops and everyone loves cheesecake so when I saw these on the menu I knew I had to try them. It's great cheesecake but the fact that it's presented as a tree makes you want to eat more and more. 5 minutes later you chide yourself for being greedy and stupid but then stop and savour the taste that's still in your mouth and smile contently.

Do you see what I see?

Like I said earlier, I don't really like taking photos of people. I find taking shots of people to be pretty awkward and generally avoid doing so. Don't know about you, but I'm never comfortable going up to someone and saying, "Can I shoot you?"

Instead, I much prefer taking shots of inanimate objects and, in particular, the way they reflect light. So here are a few photos along those lines; and to add a theme to the entire lot, I chose shots that are either taken through or are of doors and windows. Hope you like...

Even a broken clock is right twice a day...right?

People can be quite stupid. I'm not saying I'm the sharpest tool in the shed but some people make me look like a bloody genius. As my Econ 101 professor once said (in a thick Iranian accent), "Stupidity is really a very common problem. It is pretty amazing, the amount of time you spend correcting the errors of stupid people." He took the words right out of my mouth. We all have our moments, but honestly, if you've asked any of the questions below (and I'm sure most of you have), look in the mirror and slap yourself. Hard.

1. (At a movie theatre) What are you doing here?
Response: I came here hoping to see your pretty face.

2. (After you've lost something) Where did you last put it?
Response: Up your bum.

3. (As you're coughing up your lungs and blowing your nose) Are you sick?
Response: No, I'm just getting into character for my upcoming movie.

4. (After someone calls you at 4am on a weekday) Oh, did I wake you up?
Response: No, I was up hoping your lovely voice would disrupt my sleep.

5. (After you walk inside, drenched) Is it raining outside?
Response: No, I just got peed on by the doorman. And I liked it.

Sounds n things

A lot of people often criticize me for liking songs without paying attention to, or appreciating the lyrics. While this is sometimes the case, I still like to listen to songs for the simple reason that they sound good. My ears approve of these songs and my brain agrees. It's sort of like food from taco bell where you don't really know what it is, but you like it anyway. So to prove my point, here are a few songs that I like a lot in languages that I don't understand at all. They still sound great and I have the excuse of not needing to understand the lyrics because, well, they're in a language I don't understand at all. I just said that. And for all of you that are going to look up translations and tell me I would like the songs even more if I read them, all I can say to you is this.

1. Praan by Gary Schyman (Background music for the Where the Hell is Matt? video)
Language: Bengali
Interesting Fact: The words are actually an excerpt from Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913).

2. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End (From the Lost in Translation Soundtrack)
Language: Japanese
Interesting Fact: The song is from the 70's even though it sounds pretty contemporary. Also, for some reason there is little to no information about the song on the internet. The link is not the original but it's all I could find...so much for youtube having everything.

3. Neunundneunzig Luft Balons by Nena
Language: German
Interesting Fact: The cold-war protest song was so named because the guitarist saw balloons being released at a Rolling Stones concert and wondered what might happen if they floated over the Berlin Wall.

4. Mi'Ma'amakim by The Idan Raichel Project
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: The chap was conscripted to the Israeli army and played in the army rock band and toured military bases.

5. Now We Are Free by Lisa Gerrard and Hanz Zimmer (From the Gladiator Soundtrack)
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: Hans Zimmer, wearing a dark suit and playing the keyboard, appears in the video to 'Video Killed the Radio Star' by The Buggles which was also the first video to ever be aired on MTV.

6. Volare by Gipsy Kings
Language: Calo
Interesting Fact: They sing in Calo, not Spanish. Also, if you ever play Volare at a party, everyone will sing slong. Everyone.

7. Didi by Khaled
Language: Arabic
Interesting Fact: He's called Cheb Khaled which means "Young Man Khaled" even though he's quite an old chap now.

People are people

I sometimes try to take photos of people and usually don't do too well. This might be part of the reason why I don't really like being in pictures myself. So anyway, I was going through files on my computer and I came across these that I think are half decent...

Shameless Advertisement #1

So I don't usually do this but every once in a while you come across something that makes you toss the rules out the window and say, "Yes I can." That something is called Dogmatic. Located in the northwestern corner of Union Square lies this temple of goodness. I walked by it a couple of weeks ago and made a mental note to return. I didn't realise that by not going in then I was depriving myself of immense pleasure.

What is this Dogmatic nonsense you ask? I pity your ignorance - not for the sake of not knowing but for the sake of your stomach that has not yet experienced the pleasure of a Dogmatic dog. They call it the Gourmet Sausage System. But I think it's so much more. That three word tag-line, while catchy and all, hardly does justice to the joy that this place brings. Here's one of the many reasons why you should go to Dogmatic (I don't care where in the world you are):

1. The Wall Mural
It basically shows you the how the meat gets from the farm to Union Square. But no, it doesn't just show a pig, a slaughter-house, a sausage maker, a truck and the restaurant. Oh no no no. How silly of you to even think of such a thing you creativity-lacking fool. Robots carrying sausages, men lifting buildings, flying trucks dropping baguettes, oh my!

2. Home-made Sodas
The lemon-lime tastes like fresh-lime soda you get in India, the ginger soda tastes like really good ginger ale and the coconut tastes like nothing you've tasted before but something you wish you had invented.

3. The Communal Table
I'm not usually a fan of communal seating but they got it right. It's big enough that you don't have to talk to the people around you and yet it's small enough for you to evesdrop if you want to. The "stools" are suspended and slide out from under the table and they have hooks under the table to hang your coats or shopping bags. Genius.

4. Friendly Staff
I've written a little about how much a friendly staff can enhance the experience at a store or a restaurant and this proves my point. They're super friendly and chirpy without being annoying. And since I went there 3 times in 2 days, we even had some nonsense conversations.

5. The Ice Cream
The first time I was there they passed around free samples of their vanilla ice-cream and I was sold. It's some of the best vanilla ice-cream I've had in a long time and the fudge sauce on it makes it even better, if that's possible.

6. The Hot-dogs themselves
I mean, it is a hot-dog place so why would I be raving about it if they had crap hot dogs? Yes, their hot-dogs are amazing. Beef, Turkey, Chicken, Pork or Lamb (they have a vegetarian version that substitutes two asparagus spears for the meat. Lame, but yet I have the urge to try it out just because it seems like this place can do no wrong). Good bread. Jalapeno-cheddar, truffle-gruyere, sundried tomato-feta or mint-yogurt sauce (the chimichurri isn't that good and I don't like horseradish). Mmmmmmmm

What's that you say? There must be something bad about the place? Well, I do provide objective opinions about everything so here's the part that could be negative.

1) It isn't open super late...yet. I asked them about it and they said they were going to extend the hours for summer time. So this will soon be removed from the "negatives" list.

2) Sadly, Dogmatic hasn't been able to screen their clientele very well. Some of the people there were kinda lame aka the two guys I was sitting opposite the first time I went there. They were talking about some weird nonsense and being loud and annoying.

3) The don't have a bathroom! This is the big downer. However, there's a Barnes and Noble a few feet away that has plenty.

Some call it meat with bread. Some call it gourmet fast food. Some call it a haute-dog. I just called it Magic. Plain and simple.

Susu Research File #438957

In my last post I mentioned how I almost always order either ginger ale or bloody mary mix on an airplane but never on land. I spoke to a few people about it and apparently, this is something that a lot of people have noticed as well. Here I thought I had come up with an astute observation, but alas, I was not the first. This is similar to the time I thought I had discovered how to make fart sounds with my hands, only to realise that every 8 year old knew my magical discovery. But I digress. The stratospheric beverage anomaly (I might not have discovered it, but I have now named it. I win. I win.) got me thinking and I was determined to find out the true cause of this.

For ginger ale, the most convincing explanation I found was that ginger helped relieve queeziness that many people experience on airplanes. I don't know if it's an Indian thing but a little ginger juice or sucking on a piece of ginger is often prescribed to cure nausea. Ginger ale has ginger (at least in the name). Makes sense.

For bloody mary mix, on the other hand, the explanation that had me sold was that it can prevent you from getting DVT on an airplane. That's a good reason to drink tomato juice...living kinda rocks. However, I definitely don't order it for that reason and I'm sure most people that order it dont even know what DVT is. So that doesn't answer my question...why the hell do so many people oder bloody mary mix on planes???I personally just drink it because I like the taste. Here are a few reasons cited by peeps that I uncovered during my research:

1. It goes well with salty snacks like peanuts and pretzels (or do the peanuts and pretzels go well with the bloody mary mix? hmmm).

2. It's free on planes and more expensive than coke (the beverage, not the drug mr. one-track-mind) at a grocery store

3. It's a meal in a can

4. It mixes well with the vodka in my hip flask. I assumed that was what everyone else was doing too!

5. It makes you pee less than water does

6. It's like a quirky nerd - less popular, but more intriguing

7. I feel like I have to cuz the guy next to me always orders one