The Greatest Thing Since...

...sliced bread? That's the standard expression isn't it? "OMG this is like soooo awesomeee, it's like, the greatest thing since sliced bread!" No. No thanks.

What might first come across as a stern critique of sentence construction in generation whateveryouwanttocallit, is actually more than just that. I won't go into the details of how peeps these days use stupid filler words like, "like," because I definitely do as well. Rather, this is an attack on the greatness of sliced bread. Didn't see that one coming, did you? DID YOU???

I mean, ok, sliced bread is good and convenient and whatnot but is it really that great? I mean, think about it...you could just cut a baguette in half and make a sandwich and it would probably taste better. As for toast, well you can toast any sort of bread and it'll taste good. Sliced bread is good and convenient and I'm a fan, but does its greatness deserve the reverence that is showered upon it? I think not.

These, on the other hand, are quite marvelous and are rather under-rated and are greater than sliced bread:

1. Automatic faucets
Not only do these save water, money and the environment, but they are also quite convenient for (closet) germophobes like me. There is no touching of the faucet involved. No touching. Who knows where people's fingers have been right before they try turning on a tap. An automtic faucet means you don't have to use a paper towel to open the tap, thereby saving trees along with water.

2. Cooking
Fire doesn't get the respect it deserves. Cooking is never given the credit she deserves (yes, she's feminine). Can you imagine eating raw chicken or pork? I can't, because I can't imagine dying. Also, Going back to the bread thing, there wouldn't even be bread without cooking, let alone sliced bread (maybe in the olden days, before the invention of sliced bread, people said, "OMG this is the greatest thing since baking." Unclear.).

3. Shoes
Walking bare foot is one of the ways I feel like I'm home and can relax but at the same time I wouldn't want to walk around the streets with no shoes. The concept of putting a layer of padding between your foot and the ground is ingenious. Whoever thought of it deserves a prize. Maybe making 2008-2009 the return of the gladiator sandal is our way of showing the shoe inventor that we still love him.