Living peeps I'd like to have lunch/dinner with

A little while ago I had a discussion with the guy who peed in a store and he said if he had to choose a person he could have lunch with, living or dead, he'd choose Justin Timberlake. Now while I don't agree with his choice, he did have good reasoning for not choosing someone like Gandhi (he wouldn't eat much) or Lincoln (who would want to wear a suit and a top hat to lunch?). So here's a list of living peeps I'd like to have lunch or dinner with:

1. Lil John

- His bling would light up any dinner table (literally and figuratively)

- I want to see if his vocabulary exceeds two words - yeah and ok

2. Ivanka Trump (one of her companies just declared bankruptcy so she should have free time)

- Have you seen her?

- I hear she's super smart

- Have you seen her?

3. Paul Krugman (no, that is not an image of George Clooney from Syriana)

- He's the nerd that everyone should want to be like

- He published an initial version of the theory that won him the Nobel Prize when he was 26 (that gives me 4 years to catch up)

4. Gordon Ramsay (I stole this idea from a girl that thinks white people get ulcers on their feet from tight shoes)
- He would make sure that the food was good
- Swearing is fun

5. Joaquin Phoenix

- Watch this
- Yes

6. Matthew "Matt" Harding
- Anyone that thinks of this is a genius

- I want to learn that dance from the originator chap

Things that make me go aaahhhh

(That's a scared aaahhhh, and not an ohmygodthistotallyhitsthespot aaahhhh)

I just had some good sushi and as always, I wasn't too brave with the wasabi. Wasabi and I don't get along and it got me thinking about a list of a few things that I'm terrified of:

1. Falling into and subsequently getting stuck in a toilet because I forgot to put down the seat
Painful, embarrassing and potentially fatal. What if nobody were around? How would I get out? Last time I checked, most bathrooms didn't have porcelain-breaking-hammers handy so you could crack your way out of such an emergency.

2. Dropping a tray of food at a cafeteria
This was easily my number one fear at the dining hall at Emory. It's a three tiered dining hall and I NEVER sat on any of the lower levels because that meant climbing down 5 or 10 steps (depending on which tier you sat at) with a tray full of food. Downfalls (notice the pun hehe I'm so clever) include ridicule, being the subject of laughter, broken bones, being scalded by hot food and burning eyes from a hot sauce attack.

3. Being stabbed in the eye or cheek by pointy clothes racks
Every time I'm at a store, this is my only fear. Some people fear not finding their size, some people fear other violent shoppers, I fear this. I've come close many times, where I turn and find myself dangerously close to one of those stand-alone metal racks that sulk because I've stolen their thunder by avoiding them. I have been triumphant and dare I say undefeated in my battles with clothes racks. The outcome of the war, however, remains to be seen.

4. Getting paint or ink on my skin that wont come off with spit (as a last resort option, after I've tried to rub it off)
I don't and will never ever understand why people write their to-do lists or draw on their skin. That's just wrong. It's like simple word association. You say fry, I say pan. You say lamp, I say bulb. You say pen, I say paper. Not skin. What is wrong with you?

5. Crying indefinitely because I've eaten too much wasabi or chopped too many onions
I once chopped onions with swimming goggles on so that I wouldn't cry. Swimming goggles don't let water in but onion fumes on the other hand...Both wasabi and onion fumes make my cry like no other. These are my kryptonite. Some people said they could never cry as much as they did when Leonardo DiCaprio died in Titanic. Those people have never cut onions or popped a piece of wasabi into their mouths.

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Lessons from the Oscars

So quick follow up to the post below...

1. I should have bet mad money on the Oscars

2. Anil Kapoor needs to chill out

3. Hugh Jackman can be funny

4. Mickey Rourke is a disco dancer

5. A.R. Rahman is small and likes to run off stage

6. Kate Winslet is beautiful

7. The awards are moving away from Americans

8. Big drums always sound cool

9. Japanese winners make the best speeches ("Sank you my pencil")

10. Movies set in the Victorian era will win you an Oscar for costume design

Oscar Predictions

The Oscars begin in less than an hour and as usual, I find myself wishing I had watched more of the nominated movies. I'm only going to predict winners for categories that I pay attention to. No offense to the peeps that work extremely hard and make these movies so much more than what they would otherwise be, but I don't even know what "art direction" really is. And I took Film 101.

However, based on stuff I've read, my intuition, rumours I've heard and my ability to eliminate all but one option based on no logic, here are my predictions:

1. Actor in a leading role
Mickey Rourke...he dresses the part and people love a comeback story. If he thanks his dogs again (he did after he won the Golden Globe) it'll probably be a first.
Winner: Sean Penn

2. Actor in a supporting role
Heath Ledger...he was pretty awesome and I'm sure his OD'ing will help his cause
Winner: Heath Ledger

3. Actress in a leading role
Meryl Streep...too senior to not win
Winner: Kate Winslet

4. Actress in a supporting role
Penelope Cruz...this will be the upset win. They love throwing in some curve-balls to show they also support offbeat cinema rather than just big banner films
Winner: Penelope Cruz

5. Animated feature film
Kung Fu Panda...supporting China will be good for the economy
Winner: Wall-E

6. Cinematography
Slumdog Millionaire...cuz I'm Indian
Winner: Slumdog Millionaire

7. Costume design
Benjamin Button...only because the other movies nominated here are too similar to previous winners in this category
Winner: The Duchess

8. Directing
Slumdog Millionaire...I'm still Indian. Frost/Nixon also deserves it.
Winner: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire

9. Foreign Language
The Class...it's the only one I've watched
Winner: Departures

10. Makeup
Benjamin Button...it's obvious
Winner: Benjamin Button

11. Music (Score)
Slumdog Millionaire...I like A.R. Rahman
Winner: A.R. Rahman

12. Music (Song)
Slumdog Millionaire...I like the combination of M.I.A. and A.R. Rahman even more. And it has a 66.67% chance of winning.
Winner: A.R. Rahman for Jai Ho

13. Best Picture
Slumdog Millionaire...see 8. The book (Q&A by Vikas Swaroop) was a lot better though.
Winner: Slumdog Millionaire

14. Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Frost/Nixon...watch it and you will know why.
Winner: Slumdog Millionaire

15. Writing (Original Screenplay)
Milk...political correctness
Winner: Milk

Truths that nobody will admit

1. Picking your nose is fun (watching...not so much, as previously stated)
Yeah some people say it's disgusting but few things compare to the satisfaction of finding gold.

2. You check yourself out every time you pass a mirror or a glass window
These mirrors usually work well and show me good images of myself. I smash the mirrors that don't work.

3. Britney Spears has some catchy songs
Ok, so she's a little crazy and yeah, people love to hate her music but every time you hear one of her songs you find yourself singing along.

4. You have watched Mean Girls 8 times
It's like your favourite pair of pyjamas...it gets better with time

5. Trashy TV (Next, Parental Control etc.) is entertaining
Why watch something intellectully stimulating after a long day when you can watch parents get cussed out by the person their kid is dating?

6. This blog is rather awesome
Tell me something I don't already know.

7. You fiddle with your cellphone just to act cool in crowded places
...and hope someone will miraculously call or text you just then to lift your self esteem. Sadly, this rarely happens. But only you know this.

8. Randomly using swear words gives you immense pleasure
Who cares if the situation even calls for profanity? All I know is that a four letter word here and there makes the world a happy place.

9. Sleeping in is often more enjoyable than a crazy night out
Man. Sleep is so good.

10. You are not above a juicy piece of gossip
Yes, this includes YOU. Don't act like you're above it. Oh you think you are? Well wait till you hear about what I heard someone saw the other night at that one place...

Shopping = Fun?

I like to shop. A lot. There, I said it. And I'll say it again - I like to shop. In particular, shopping for shoes, jeans, music, books and electronics fills me with joy and happiness. Killing an hour at a music store is too easy. Same with electronics or books. Finding a good pair of shoes or jeans can be quite rewarding.

However, while the product that you're shopping for can often make or break the entire shopping experience, here are a few other things that could do the same:


Break:

1. Snooty store workers
This is probably one of the things I hate the most about going to a good store. Nine times out of ten the people working at the store act like you're doing them a favour by buying stuff from their store. Um, last time I checked, kind sir, I was a twenty-something buying stuff from your store and you were a fifty-something that still worked on the floor of a retail store. Yeah. And what?

2. Bathrooms that are hard to locate
This one is for department stores in particular because I know they almost always have bathrooms. The last thing I want is to be tortured by poor signage at a store when I know they have a bathroom. Don't tease me. Show me where your bathroom is. Show me now. Thanks.

3. Carry bags that are unwieldy
Often times stores sacrifice practicality for aesthetics when it comes to the bags that they give you. The bags look cool and all but are either difficult to carry because of some weird design or are incredibly uncomfortable to hold because of the material that they're made from. NTY. No, Thank You.


Make:

1. Water bottles
Some stores have lying around, or give you, bottled water. These stores definitely get bonus points. Costs them nothing but it earns them a gold star. I like free stuff. I'll drink the water even if I'm not thirsty and the fact that it's free makes it taste better. If you think water has no taste, your taste-buds are dead.

2. Tissue
Having clothes wrapped in tissue or buying shirts or socks or whatever with tissue sheets in between them make me happy. Why? Because...I like crinkling it so it makes that rustling noise. Don't feign bewilderment. I know you do it too.

3. Unexpected discounts
Buying stuff that you know is on sale definitely has its advantages but have you ever gone to the cashier and had them scan the item and tell you that it's a further __% off? I have. And it's wonderful.

Things that make me go hmmm

1. Are revolving doors always opening or closing?


2. Can you slam a revolving door?


3. Where do cats lay their eggs?


4. If flies have a lifespan of a day or two, where do they die? I almost never see dead flies, but there's always a ton of them flying around. Where is the giant fly-cemetery?


5. Are people vegetarians out of choice because they love animals or hate plants? If they do love animals, why do they eat all their food?


6. Is it possible to cry underwater?


7. Why would you want to sleep like a baby when they wake up every two hours with poop in their pants?


8. If our knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?


9. I know it's a figure of speech and all, but what did come first - the chicken or the egg?


10. Why do noses run and feet smell?

Sung Un-Heroes Part 2

I've recently started paying attention to song lyrics and it's quite an amazing concept. I mean, the words have meaning and stuff. It's not just a mere collection of alphabets that rhyme and go with the beats in the background. So anyway, I found that some lines stuck more so than others and although most people have been paying attention to lyrics longer than I have, I wonder if you caught all of these...

(Part 1 can be found here)

1. Digging in the Nose by The Noble Savages
"When you take your fingah, you don't wanna lingah"
Practical advice...while picking your nose is often rewarding, you don't want to do it for too long lest you get caught. It's fun to do and all that but less so if you're a spectator to the event.

2. Roses by Outkast
"Roses really smell like poo-ooh-ooh"
Quite bitter these guys can be. Quiiiiite.

3. Ninja Rap by Vanilla Ice
"Have you ever seen a turtle get down?"
The more important question here is...Do you really want to?

4. Joan of Arc by David Guetta
"Don't say nothing
Love in the fall
God saint child
Don't you miss of it all"
This is one of the many lyrical masterpieces that comprise David Guetta's list of records. I found myself singing along to one of his songs a while ago and then paused for a sanity check and asked myself, "Wait, what does that line actually mean?" and thus began a long journey of discovery that lasted a few decades where blood, sweat and tears were shed only to realise that this chap is no philosopher but a rhymerofwordsthatdontmakesensewhenputtogether. I slept soundly that night.

5. 99 Red Balloons by Nena
"Everyone's a super hero
Everyone's a Captain Kirk"
Myself included.

Things I will pay a little extra for

1. Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper

2. A physical cd versus buying the album on iTunes

3. Fresh, never frozen shrimp/prawns

4. Good chocolate

5. A good pair of shoes

6. Simply Orange with lots of pulp

7. Fabric Softener

8. Home delivery on a cold/rainy/lazy day

9. Good speakers

10. A taxi in New York when it's cold/rainy/lazy

11. Waterproof sneakers

Ulta Sulta

Things other people like, that I am not a huge fan of:

1. Winnie the Pooh
He's just grumpy and anti (as a chap sitting in Barbados might say). He's only happy-looking in the posters for the cartoon but that's just a sham. I've watched the videos...he's annoying and makes Eeyore look cool. Anyone that can makes a donkey look cool in comparison is like a silly garnish on a plate...a waste of space.

2. Holi
Now I don't know who these people are, but that's the first photo that popped up when I googled Holi. Why would you do that to yourself and then smile about it? I never have and never will understand the joy of willingly smearing yourself with coloured powder that stains your skin for a week or two. It makes you look uglier than you already are and probably tastes nasty. Oh and I'm sure the feeling of having it in your eyes is lovely.


3. Licorice
It looks like plastic and tastes worse. It's even spelt wrong; since when has "ice" been pronounced "ish"?


4. Apple Flavoured Hookah
Everyone loves apple flavoured hookah. Everyone loves double apple flavoured hookah even more. Because you can distinctly taste two apples - NOT. It tastes like fennel and it makes me go to the poo poo pot.

5. Green Chutney (the one you get at Indian restaurants...usually made with a combnation of coriander, mint and green chillies)
It's green and looks like pond water. This is the only reason why I don't like it and never eat it. Honest.

6. Barack Obama
I know I'm going to win a ton of friends with this one. I have nothing against him but am not a huge fan of his (read the first line of this blog entry). So before you are up in arms and calling me a republican or citing blasphemy, hear me out. Yes, he's an extremely smart chap. Yes, he's a great orator. Yes, his heart is in the right place. Yes, he's a million times better than his predecessor. However, he has no real plan. His economic plan has been bastardized to foster "bipartisan relations", his promise to focus on healthcare has been forgotten, he's had three key cabinet choices show tax defaults, I could go on. And yet, what amazes me is the tremendous faith everyone has in him. I hope for everyone's sakes that he pulls it together and does a good job.

7. Anything that stains my tongue
I usually can't see my own tongue unless I look into a mirror (keen observation, I know) but knowing that I'm eating something that's staining my tongue makes me want to spit it out. Sorry, Yves Klein, but I would not have tried your cocktail even though I'm a fan of your art and blue urine is a cool concept.*


*Yves Klein opened an exhibition of his on April 28, 1958 (his 30th birthday) at the Gallerie Iris Clert. Here, he served people a blue cocktail, a mixture of gin, Cointreau, and methylene blue that stained their mouths blue. To Klein's surprise and delight, the next day, all who drank the cocktail found their urine stained blue.

Cheater Cheater

I was at The Stanton Social for dinner last night and on the table was a plate of pierogis, amongst other things. Now, pierogis are pretty good in general but what makes these especially noteworty? They had two elements that reflected culinary cheating. No, I am not talking about cheating by suggesting that it was frozen and came from a bag or anything. Rather, the elements I refer to are: caramelized onions and goat cheese. These two (like the rest on this list) will make almost anything taste infinitely better and are part of a cook's cheat sheet. It's impossible to go wrong with these (some apply to savoury, some apply to sweet). If I were a cook thinking up a menu for a new restaurant, I'd try to incorporate as many of these as I possibly could. :

1. Goat Cheese
2. Caramelized Onions
3. Butter
4. Deep Frying
5. Bacon
6. Liquidy chocolate
7. Chorizo
8. Some sort of alcohol*

*The alcohol evaporates and all that but the flavour it leaves behind is still pretty special. Example? Mussels with white wine and garlic. Steak and Guinness Cornish pasties at a UK train station. Tequila lime shrimp. Jamaican rum cake.

Sung Un-Heroes Part 1

If you're reading the title and thinking, "Wait, isn't the phrase 'un-sung hero'?," I bite my thumb at thee. This is why I'm writing and you're reading. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. Usually. This is not an exception.

Instead, it's an ode to lines from songs (hence the 'sung') that will never win accolades or grammy awards or any of that (un-heroes...get it now?). But, they all have a special place in my heart. To some, that's the most valuable prize of them all. If you're now thinking, "Ok, ok let's get on with it," you're forgiven. I like to ramble on.

Now, I have a long list so for now, I'm going to restrict my list to artists beginning with the letter 'B.'

1. Song 2 by Blur
"I got my head checked
By a Jumbo Jet"
Do you really need an explanation as to why I like it? I mean...he just got his head checked. By a jumbo jet!

2. Kya Soorat Hai by Bombay Vikings
"I am just an ordinay guy,
I ain't no macho man, I ain't no hi-fi"
Poetic? Yes. Creative? Of course. Brilliant? Absolutely.
This song is full of gems like this but just this once, I said to myself "Ok you're going to have to choose your favourite child." So I did. And how.

3. Intergalactic by The Beastie Boys
"I like my sugar with coffee and cream"
I like this because I agree. Simple.

4. Million Dollar Bash by Bob Dylan
"Well, I looked at my watch I looked at my wrist
Punched myself in the face with my fist"
It rhymes and makes me laugh. I'm a simple chap and simple things make me laugh.

5. Show Me the Meaning by the Backstreet Boys
"Show me the meaning of being lonely"
Um, if this hypothetical person did exist, he/she (yes, I'm politically correct...big ups to the female readers) wouldn't be able to show them the meaning of being lonely because they would be with each other and therefore would not be lonely. Why do I like this? Because it proves to me (and now to you all) that I can over-analyze nonsense. It helps me sleep better at night.

Durty Durty

I was at dinner in the City the other day at Chinatown Brasserie (great food, by the way) and found myself paying $45 dollars for a meal including tax and tip, NOT including dessert. And I was a little hungry when I was done too. This triggered off a string of emotions within me and made me realise something - I miss the South. A lot. Why? I'll tell you why...oh i'll tell you:

1. The server at the restaurant was feisty and mean and acted like she was doing us a favour rather than doing her job. Not to sound arrogant or anything but if I'm paying to eat at a fairly up-market restaurant, decent service is the least I expect. I'm not saying I want someone to carry me from my table to the bathroom when I so wish, but a pleasant demeanour would be a good start. Peeps in the south make you feel at home and ask you about your day and whatnot. I like.

2. I like being called sir. I'm not saying that I like people to refer to me with a title or anything but for the most part, males are called sir and females are called ma'am in the south. Respect is a good thing and in general, the people in the south show a lot more of it than do people in the north. I like.

3. Going out to dinner in the south will not only leave you satisfied but will also leave your wallet/bank account pretty similar to what it was before you paid for the meal. Only in the south could I get a piece of french toast bigger than my face, a huge biscuit with sausage gravy and a tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice for about $6. I like.

4. This might be something that's unique to Atlanta, where I spent 4 years, but almost every street corner has a person just standing there, hanging out. Are they selling stuff? Don't ever ask me questions. But when you're driving around and you see a chap standing at a street corner (daytime and/or after-dark) and he's talking to himself or dancing to a beat in his head, you can't help but smile. I like.

5. Package stores. If you think I'm talking about UPS, you're wrong and haven't ever lived in the south. I know what brown can do for you and that is not one of the reasons I like the south. Look it up. I'm not a big drinker or anything but "package store" has a good ring to it and sounds better than other words for it. I like.

6. Publix. I don't know why, but I miss Publix a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's always been a happy place for me. A place where in the middle of the day old women make little samples for you to try. A place to get good cake (vanilla cake with butter cream icing). A place to buy eggs to throw off balconies. The list goes on. I like.

7. Nobody in the north will ever say "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" Southern accents are awesome. I like.

I'm sure there'll be another list of reasons why I like the South. But this is all for now.

Home Sweet Home

Yesterday I drove through Round Hill Road in Greenwich, CT which is apparently one of the most expensive residential streets in the world. It was really pretty, with snow covering the roofs of houses and branches of trees under a blue, sunny sky. The houses were nice and are definitely worth a lot of money (The Helmsley House is on sale for $125 million) and have enormous grounds and heated driveways and whatnot. However, the thing that struck me most about that entire drive was how I wasn't really envious of any of the houses/didn't ever want to own or live in one of those houes. Did I only see myself living in a bigger, grander house you ask? No. I'm not that shallow (or am I?). Here are some of the reasons why I would not want to live on Round Hill Road in Greenwich, CT (in no paticular order):

1. No cell-phone reception
There was little or no reception on the entire street. Call me a slave to technology or whatever but I get pretty frantic when I expect to have cell phone reception but don't. I understand the merits of a getaway with no phones or communication but living in a place with no cell phone reception would have me on edge for the most part and that is not what I want at home.

2. Bad weather
Snow is like clothing from H&M...it looks good but feels terrible. Yeah I know that the location of your home is often a function of the location of your place of work but I'm sorry if you have the money to buy a $100 million house, you clearly have the money to move to a warmer place.

3. Lack of a pleasing view
All these houses were next to each other and had big walls around them so from the inside, I imagine, all you can probably see is your snow covered lawn in the winter or the foliage in summer. Now both these can be pretty and pleasing to the eye but I'd get bored of it pretty quick. If you can't have the hustle and bustle of a city, at least look for a view that you wouldn't get bored of.

4. Isolation from commercial activity
We were driving along the road and were hungry...the handy gps told us the nearest restaurant was about 5 miles away...and since it's all residential you have to drive super slow so it took us about 20 minutes to get to a restaurant. Two words - nein, danke.

5. Super long driveways
As the friend I was with brilliantly pointed out...what if you really need to pee on your way home? The long driveway would put you that much further from your pee pee pot. As the guy who peed in a store once pointed out, you always feel like you're gonna explode just as you get closer to home and need to pee. Maybe the mind gets excited when it sees familiar surroundings and goes into overdrive. I don't know the specifics. But it's true. And if i had to wait that much longer to pee, I would have to start wearing diapers or keeping an empty bottle in my car. TMI? Absolutely.