People can be quite stupid. I'm not saying I'm the sharpest tool in the shed but some people make me look like a bloody genius. As my Econ 101 professor once said (in a thick Iranian accent), "Stupidity is really a very common problem. It is pretty amazing, the amount of time you spend correcting the errors of stupid people." He took the words right out of my mouth. We all have our moments, but honestly, if you've asked any of the questions below (and I'm sure most of you have), look in the mirror and slap yourself. Hard.
1. (At a movie theatre) What are you doing here?
Response: I came here hoping to see your pretty face.
2. (After you've lost something) Where did you last put it?
Response: Up your bum.
3. (As you're coughing up your lungs and blowing your nose) Are you sick?
Response: No, I'm just getting into character for my upcoming movie.
4. (After someone calls you at 4am on a weekday) Oh, did I wake you up?
Response: No, I was up hoping your lovely voice would disrupt my sleep.
5. (After you walk inside, drenched) Is it raining outside?
Response: No, I just got peed on by the doorman. And I liked it.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sounds n things
A lot of people often criticize me for liking songs without paying attention to, or appreciating the lyrics. While this is sometimes the case, I still like to listen to songs for the simple reason that they sound good. My ears approve of these songs and my brain agrees. It's sort of like food from taco bell where you don't really know what it is, but you like it anyway. So to prove my point, here are a few songs that I like a lot in languages that I don't understand at all. They still sound great and I have the excuse of not needing to understand the lyrics because, well, they're in a language I don't understand at all. I just said that. And for all of you that are going to look up translations and tell me I would like the songs even more if I read them, all I can say to you is this.
1. Praan by Gary Schyman (Background music for the Where the Hell is Matt? video)
Language: Bengali
Interesting Fact: The words are actually an excerpt from Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913).
2. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End (From the Lost in Translation Soundtrack)
Language: Japanese
Interesting Fact: The song is from the 70's even though it sounds pretty contemporary. Also, for some reason there is little to no information about the song on the internet. The link is not the original but it's all I could find...so much for youtube having everything.
3. Neunundneunzig Luft Balons by Nena
Language: German
Interesting Fact: The cold-war protest song was so named because the guitarist saw balloons being released at a Rolling Stones concert and wondered what might happen if they floated over the Berlin Wall.
4. Mi'Ma'amakim by The Idan Raichel Project
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: The chap was conscripted to the Israeli army and played in the army rock band and toured military bases.
5. Now We Are Free by Lisa Gerrard and Hanz Zimmer (From the Gladiator Soundtrack)
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: Hans Zimmer, wearing a dark suit and playing the keyboard, appears in the video to 'Video Killed the Radio Star' by The Buggles which was also the first video to ever be aired on MTV.
6. Volare by Gipsy Kings
Language: Calo
Interesting Fact: They sing in Calo, not Spanish. Also, if you ever play Volare at a party, everyone will sing slong. Everyone.
7. Didi by Khaled
Language: Arabic
Interesting Fact: He's called Cheb Khaled which means "Young Man Khaled" even though he's quite an old chap now.
1. Praan by Gary Schyman (Background music for the Where the Hell is Matt? video)
Language: Bengali
Interesting Fact: The words are actually an excerpt from Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913).
2. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End (From the Lost in Translation Soundtrack)
Language: Japanese
Interesting Fact: The song is from the 70's even though it sounds pretty contemporary. Also, for some reason there is little to no information about the song on the internet. The link is not the original but it's all I could find...so much for youtube having everything.
3. Neunundneunzig Luft Balons by Nena
Language: German
Interesting Fact: The cold-war protest song was so named because the guitarist saw balloons being released at a Rolling Stones concert and wondered what might happen if they floated over the Berlin Wall.
4. Mi'Ma'amakim by The Idan Raichel Project
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: The chap was conscripted to the Israeli army and played in the army rock band and toured military bases.
5. Now We Are Free by Lisa Gerrard and Hanz Zimmer (From the Gladiator Soundtrack)
Language: Hebrew
Interesting Fact: Hans Zimmer, wearing a dark suit and playing the keyboard, appears in the video to 'Video Killed the Radio Star' by The Buggles which was also the first video to ever be aired on MTV.
6. Volare by Gipsy Kings
Language: Calo
Interesting Fact: They sing in Calo, not Spanish. Also, if you ever play Volare at a party, everyone will sing slong. Everyone.
7. Didi by Khaled
Language: Arabic
Interesting Fact: He's called Cheb Khaled which means "Young Man Khaled" even though he's quite an old chap now.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
People are people
I sometimes try to take photos of people and usually don't do too well. This might be part of the reason why I don't really like being in pictures myself. So anyway, I was going through files on my computer and I came across these that I think are half decent...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Shameless Advertisement #1
So I don't usually do this but every once in a while you come across something that makes you toss the rules out the window and say, "Yes I can." That something is called Dogmatic. Located in the northwestern corner of Union Square lies this temple of goodness. I walked by it a couple of weeks ago and made a mental note to return. I didn't realise that by not going in then I was depriving myself of immense pleasure.
What is this Dogmatic nonsense you ask? I pity your ignorance - not for the sake of not knowing but for the sake of your stomach that has not yet experienced the pleasure of a Dogmatic dog. They call it the Gourmet Sausage System. But I think it's so much more. That three word tag-line, while catchy and all, hardly does justice to the joy that this place brings. Here's one of the many reasons why you should go to Dogmatic (I don't care where in the world you are):
1. The Wall Mural
It basically shows you the how the meat gets from the farm to Union Square. But no, it doesn't just show a pig, a slaughter-house, a sausage maker, a truck and the restaurant. Oh no no no. How silly of you to even think of such a thing you creativity-lacking fool. Robots carrying sausages, men lifting buildings, flying trucks dropping baguettes, oh my!
2. Home-made Sodas
The lemon-lime tastes like fresh-lime soda you get in India, the ginger soda tastes like really good ginger ale and the coconut tastes like nothing you've tasted before but something you wish you had invented.
3. The Communal Table
I'm not usually a fan of communal seating but they got it right. It's big enough that you don't have to talk to the people around you and yet it's small enough for you to evesdrop if you want to. The "stools" are suspended and slide out from under the table and they have hooks under the table to hang your coats or shopping bags. Genius.
4. Friendly Staff
I've written a little about how much a friendly staff can enhance the experience at a store or a restaurant and this proves my point. They're super friendly and chirpy without being annoying. And since I went there 3 times in 2 days, we even had some nonsense conversations.
5. The Ice Cream
The first time I was there they passed around free samples of their vanilla ice-cream and I was sold. It's some of the best vanilla ice-cream I've had in a long time and the fudge sauce on it makes it even better, if that's possible.
6. The Hot-dogs themselves
I mean, it is a hot-dog place so why would I be raving about it if they had crap hot dogs? Yes, their hot-dogs are amazing. Beef, Turkey, Chicken, Pork or Lamb (they have a vegetarian version that substitutes two asparagus spears for the meat. Lame, but yet I have the urge to try it out just because it seems like this place can do no wrong). Good bread. Jalapeno-cheddar, truffle-gruyere, sundried tomato-feta or mint-yogurt sauce (the chimichurri isn't that good and I don't like horseradish). Mmmmmmmm
What's that you say? There must be something bad about the place? Well, I do provide objective opinions about everything so here's the part that could be negative.
1) It isn't open super late...yet. I asked them about it and they said they were going to extend the hours for summer time. So this will soon be removed from the "negatives" list.
2) Sadly, Dogmatic hasn't been able to screen their clientele very well. Some of the people there were kinda lame aka the two guys I was sitting opposite the first time I went there. They were talking about some weird nonsense and being loud and annoying.
3) The don't have a bathroom! This is the big downer. However, there's a Barnes and Noble a few feet away that has plenty.
Some call it meat with bread. Some call it gourmet fast food. Some call it a haute-dog. I just called it Magic. Plain and simple.
What is this Dogmatic nonsense you ask? I pity your ignorance - not for the sake of not knowing but for the sake of your stomach that has not yet experienced the pleasure of a Dogmatic dog. They call it the Gourmet Sausage System. But I think it's so much more. That three word tag-line, while catchy and all, hardly does justice to the joy that this place brings. Here's one of the many reasons why you should go to Dogmatic (I don't care where in the world you are):
1. The Wall Mural
It basically shows you the how the meat gets from the farm to Union Square. But no, it doesn't just show a pig, a slaughter-house, a sausage maker, a truck and the restaurant. Oh no no no. How silly of you to even think of such a thing you creativity-lacking fool. Robots carrying sausages, men lifting buildings, flying trucks dropping baguettes, oh my!
2. Home-made Sodas
The lemon-lime tastes like fresh-lime soda you get in India, the ginger soda tastes like really good ginger ale and the coconut tastes like nothing you've tasted before but something you wish you had invented.
3. The Communal Table
I'm not usually a fan of communal seating but they got it right. It's big enough that you don't have to talk to the people around you and yet it's small enough for you to evesdrop if you want to. The "stools" are suspended and slide out from under the table and they have hooks under the table to hang your coats or shopping bags. Genius.
4. Friendly Staff
I've written a little about how much a friendly staff can enhance the experience at a store or a restaurant and this proves my point. They're super friendly and chirpy without being annoying. And since I went there 3 times in 2 days, we even had some nonsense conversations.
5. The Ice Cream
The first time I was there they passed around free samples of their vanilla ice-cream and I was sold. It's some of the best vanilla ice-cream I've had in a long time and the fudge sauce on it makes it even better, if that's possible.
6. The Hot-dogs themselves
I mean, it is a hot-dog place so why would I be raving about it if they had crap hot dogs? Yes, their hot-dogs are amazing. Beef, Turkey, Chicken, Pork or Lamb (they have a vegetarian version that substitutes two asparagus spears for the meat. Lame, but yet I have the urge to try it out just because it seems like this place can do no wrong). Good bread. Jalapeno-cheddar, truffle-gruyere, sundried tomato-feta or mint-yogurt sauce (the chimichurri isn't that good and I don't like horseradish). Mmmmmmmm
What's that you say? There must be something bad about the place? Well, I do provide objective opinions about everything so here's the part that could be negative.
1) It isn't open super late...yet. I asked them about it and they said they were going to extend the hours for summer time. So this will soon be removed from the "negatives" list.
2) Sadly, Dogmatic hasn't been able to screen their clientele very well. Some of the people there were kinda lame aka the two guys I was sitting opposite the first time I went there. They were talking about some weird nonsense and being loud and annoying.
3) The don't have a bathroom! This is the big downer. However, there's a Barnes and Noble a few feet away that has plenty.
Some call it meat with bread. Some call it gourmet fast food. Some call it a haute-dog. I just called it Magic. Plain and simple.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Susu Research File #438957
In my last post I mentioned how I almost always order either ginger ale or bloody mary mix on an airplane but never on land. I spoke to a few people about it and apparently, this is something that a lot of people have noticed as well. Here I thought I had come up with an astute observation, but alas, I was not the first. This is similar to the time I thought I had discovered how to make fart sounds with my hands, only to realise that every 8 year old knew my magical discovery. But I digress. The stratospheric beverage anomaly (I might not have discovered it, but I have now named it. I win. I win.) got me thinking and I was determined to find out the true cause of this.
For ginger ale, the most convincing explanation I found was that ginger helped relieve queeziness that many people experience on airplanes. I don't know if it's an Indian thing but a little ginger juice or sucking on a piece of ginger is often prescribed to cure nausea. Ginger ale has ginger (at least in the name). Makes sense.
For bloody mary mix, on the other hand, the explanation that had me sold was that it can prevent you from getting DVT on an airplane. That's a good reason to drink tomato juice...living kinda rocks. However, I definitely don't order it for that reason and I'm sure most people that order it dont even know what DVT is. So that doesn't answer my question...why the hell do so many people oder bloody mary mix on planes???I personally just drink it because I like the taste. Here are a few reasons cited by peeps that I uncovered during my research:
1. It goes well with salty snacks like peanuts and pretzels (or do the peanuts and pretzels go well with the bloody mary mix? hmmm).
2. It's free on planes and more expensive than coke (the beverage, not the drug mr. one-track-mind) at a grocery store
3. It's a meal in a can
4. It mixes well with the vodka in my hip flask. I assumed that was what everyone else was doing too!
5. It makes you pee less than water does
6. It's like a quirky nerd - less popular, but more intriguing
7. I feel like I have to cuz the guy next to me always orders one
For ginger ale, the most convincing explanation I found was that ginger helped relieve queeziness that many people experience on airplanes. I don't know if it's an Indian thing but a little ginger juice or sucking on a piece of ginger is often prescribed to cure nausea. Ginger ale has ginger (at least in the name). Makes sense.
For bloody mary mix, on the other hand, the explanation that had me sold was that it can prevent you from getting DVT on an airplane. That's a good reason to drink tomato juice...living kinda rocks. However, I definitely don't order it for that reason and I'm sure most people that order it dont even know what DVT is. So that doesn't answer my question...why the hell do so many people oder bloody mary mix on planes???I personally just drink it because I like the taste. Here are a few reasons cited by peeps that I uncovered during my research:
1. It goes well with salty snacks like peanuts and pretzels (or do the peanuts and pretzels go well with the bloody mary mix? hmmm).
2. It's free on planes and more expensive than coke (the beverage, not the drug mr. one-track-mind) at a grocery store
3. It's a meal in a can
4. It mixes well with the vodka in my hip flask. I assumed that was what everyone else was doing too!
5. It makes you pee less than water does
6. It's like a quirky nerd - less popular, but more intriguing
7. I feel like I have to cuz the guy next to me always orders one
Monday, March 9, 2009
Bird of Prey...Flying High
Travelling is fun, transportation is not. That is the conclusion that I arrived at after having spent over 20 hours of my life in air-related transport over the last three days. And the sad part is, all those hours didn't involve me crossing an ocean or going to a new continent. Hell, it didn't even result in my leaving this country. Getting to a destination is fun but the means aren't always so - kind of like a suppository, which leaves you happy and relieved via a not-so-fun process.
So this weekend, as I spent many a moment wishing I could cry like the babies that always seem to surround the middle seats that are always assigned to me, I also did some thinking. My trusty phone (not a crackberry or a iphone, but a simple little candybar phone) in flight mode was perfect for jotting down my thoughts (it's the modern day Moleskine, Mr. Hemingway).
Here's a list of things that I find myself doing when I'm involved with the air-complex (train to the airport, monorail to the terminal, actually flying etc.).
1. Drinking Ginger Ale and/or Bloody Mary Mix
I never order these anywhere else, but nothing tastes better 30,000 feet in the sky. What's strange is that I also find a ton of people ordering these drinks on planes , but almost never see anyone getting one at a restaurant or a bar or even at somebody's home. I don't ever have these stocked in my fridge but as soon as I see that drink cart coming down the aisle, I start drooling and having a mental battle over which of the two I want to get.
2. Eating crumbs from the bottom of an empty bag of mini pretzels
Overly generous domestic airlines in the US have reduced me to this. After having being told to choose one when I asked for BOTH a bag of mini pretzels and a single granola bar (I can be greedy sometimes), I found that the taste of pretzels is inversely proportional to the number of pretzels left in the bag. The last pretzel tastes better than the first and the last crumb is the bestest morsel of food ever. So much for the law of diminishing returns...pssshhh
3. Going from having hyper-music-ADD to listening to complete songs for long periods of time
Anyone that has had the honour and privilege of spending extended periods of time with me in a car will tell you that I have music-ADD. I can't listen to more than 2-3 minutes of a song before wanting to listening to the next one. Flying does strange things to me - I either want to listen to the next song after 20 seconds of the current one or I'll let the ipod play whole songs for a while. I don't know what it is. Some say pressurized cabins are merely chambers filled with happy gas while others say that low pressure makes people like the smell of fart. I like both theories although I don't believe in the latter...I only test its accuracy on fellow travellers.
4. Listening to announcements
I never listen to announcements otherwise, but for some reason I find myself listening to the announcements that they make on planes for a number of reasons. First, I try to see if I can actually see the person making the security announcements (I think to myself...if I can't see them, is that grounds for suing?). Secondly, I listen for flying time to see if the plant is going to beat the arrival estimate printed on my boarding pass or not (if the flight is delayed I just add the delay time to the scheduled arrival time). Third, I have nothing better to do.
5. Running on to the tarmac to wave to the pilot to open the doors and let me in
True story. Don't believe me? Just ask the passengers who gave me dirty looks throughout the journey (initially for delaying the flight and then for testing my flatulence theory mentioned in #3 above)
So this weekend, as I spent many a moment wishing I could cry like the babies that always seem to surround the middle seats that are always assigned to me, I also did some thinking. My trusty phone (not a crackberry or a iphone, but a simple little candybar phone) in flight mode was perfect for jotting down my thoughts (it's the modern day Moleskine, Mr. Hemingway).
Here's a list of things that I find myself doing when I'm involved with the air-complex (train to the airport, monorail to the terminal, actually flying etc.).
1. Drinking Ginger Ale and/or Bloody Mary Mix
I never order these anywhere else, but nothing tastes better 30,000 feet in the sky. What's strange is that I also find a ton of people ordering these drinks on planes , but almost never see anyone getting one at a restaurant or a bar or even at somebody's home. I don't ever have these stocked in my fridge but as soon as I see that drink cart coming down the aisle, I start drooling and having a mental battle over which of the two I want to get.
2. Eating crumbs from the bottom of an empty bag of mini pretzels
Overly generous domestic airlines in the US have reduced me to this. After having being told to choose one when I asked for BOTH a bag of mini pretzels and a single granola bar (I can be greedy sometimes), I found that the taste of pretzels is inversely proportional to the number of pretzels left in the bag. The last pretzel tastes better than the first and the last crumb is the bestest morsel of food ever. So much for the law of diminishing returns...pssshhh
3. Going from having hyper-music-ADD to listening to complete songs for long periods of time
Anyone that has had the honour and privilege of spending extended periods of time with me in a car will tell you that I have music-ADD. I can't listen to more than 2-3 minutes of a song before wanting to listening to the next one. Flying does strange things to me - I either want to listen to the next song after 20 seconds of the current one or I'll let the ipod play whole songs for a while. I don't know what it is. Some say pressurized cabins are merely chambers filled with happy gas while others say that low pressure makes people like the smell of fart. I like both theories although I don't believe in the latter...I only test its accuracy on fellow travellers.
4. Listening to announcements
I never listen to announcements otherwise, but for some reason I find myself listening to the announcements that they make on planes for a number of reasons. First, I try to see if I can actually see the person making the security announcements (I think to myself...if I can't see them, is that grounds for suing?). Secondly, I listen for flying time to see if the plant is going to beat the arrival estimate printed on my boarding pass or not (if the flight is delayed I just add the delay time to the scheduled arrival time). Third, I have nothing better to do.
5. Running on to the tarmac to wave to the pilot to open the doors and let me in
True story. Don't believe me? Just ask the passengers who gave me dirty looks throughout the journey (initially for delaying the flight and then for testing my flatulence theory mentioned in #3 above)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Porcelain
For the last 5 days I've had both my meals out in the city. Since I like to drink water or some sort of libation with my meal, I tend to visit the bathrooms at restaurants (a not-to-complex input-output kinda deal here). I also relised that a restaurant with a good bathroom leaves a lasting impression. I still remember going to the bathroom at Planet Hollywood in Orlando when I was around 5 years old and being amazed. I don't remember what I ate, but I do remember where I urinated. It makes that much of an impression.
So anyway, using the facilities at all these restaurants got me thinking about a few things that can really set apart one loo from another:
1. Cleanliness and a lack of a pee/fecal matter smell
This goes without saying. I know I'm peeing but I'd much rather pee in a clean place. I also don't particularly enjoy gagging from the smell, when I enter a bathroom.
2. Music
Music in the bathroom makes the experience so much more fulfilling. If you want to know why, it's probably because you haven't peed to music before. If you have and still don't understand, shame on you. Also, at loud restaurants that play good music, the bathroom is a great place to shazam a song since it isn't drowned out by all the talking.
3. Cloth napkins or the linen-like paper napkins
Wiping my hands (yes, I do wash my hands after I go to the bathroom) on soft cloth napkins makes me happy. Those linen-like paper napkins are also pretty cool but I sometimes feel bad using them because they probably use more trees than regular paper napkins. I hate hand-dryers...they just make my hands super dry, and then I find myself hoping for condensation on my water glass to temporarily hydrate my skin.
4. Proper lighting
I know interior designers have their restaurant concepts and some of these include low lighting, but dude, I like to see where I pee (I also like to rhyme apparently). Shooting in the dark is definitely not a good thing in a bathroom.
5. Good soap
I like it when my hands smell good. Soap that smells and feels good is great. Added bonus: good lotion and/or mouthwash (with disposable cups) and/or toothpicks.
There's the list...might be more later, but that's all I can think of for now. I just want to add one thing I don't like: bathroom attendants. I'm referring to the places that have a person standing in the bathroom with a bunch of cologne bottles, cigarettes, chewing gum etc. This person also proceeds to open the tap and give you soap when you wash your hands. I'd much rather just open the tap on my own and not be surrounded by lollipops and mints that I want but feel guilty to take. Also, I feel obligated to tip this chap but don't because I never take any of the goodies he has sitting there and refuse when he tries to give me soap and water. This whole deal just makes me uncomfortable and goes against the basic principle that any bathroom designer should be cognizant of: relief.
So anyway, using the facilities at all these restaurants got me thinking about a few things that can really set apart one loo from another:
1. Cleanliness and a lack of a pee/fecal matter smell
This goes without saying. I know I'm peeing but I'd much rather pee in a clean place. I also don't particularly enjoy gagging from the smell, when I enter a bathroom.
2. Music
Music in the bathroom makes the experience so much more fulfilling. If you want to know why, it's probably because you haven't peed to music before. If you have and still don't understand, shame on you. Also, at loud restaurants that play good music, the bathroom is a great place to shazam a song since it isn't drowned out by all the talking.
3. Cloth napkins or the linen-like paper napkins
Wiping my hands (yes, I do wash my hands after I go to the bathroom) on soft cloth napkins makes me happy. Those linen-like paper napkins are also pretty cool but I sometimes feel bad using them because they probably use more trees than regular paper napkins. I hate hand-dryers...they just make my hands super dry, and then I find myself hoping for condensation on my water glass to temporarily hydrate my skin.
4. Proper lighting
I know interior designers have their restaurant concepts and some of these include low lighting, but dude, I like to see where I pee (I also like to rhyme apparently). Shooting in the dark is definitely not a good thing in a bathroom.
5. Good soap
I like it when my hands smell good. Soap that smells and feels good is great. Added bonus: good lotion and/or mouthwash (with disposable cups) and/or toothpicks.
There's the list...might be more later, but that's all I can think of for now. I just want to add one thing I don't like: bathroom attendants. I'm referring to the places that have a person standing in the bathroom with a bunch of cologne bottles, cigarettes, chewing gum etc. This person also proceeds to open the tap and give you soap when you wash your hands. I'd much rather just open the tap on my own and not be surrounded by lollipops and mints that I want but feel guilty to take. Also, I feel obligated to tip this chap but don't because I never take any of the goodies he has sitting there and refuse when he tries to give me soap and water. This whole deal just makes me uncomfortable and goes against the basic principle that any bathroom designer should be cognizant of: relief.
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