Pre-Birthday Reflections

So I turn a year older tomorrow. I'll be special for one day. Until my next birthday. Maybe I'll get presents (hint: I want presents). But turning older makes me wiser in theory and I feel like I must reflect and contemplate the mystery that is life. For this edition of sususamba, I shall go through some of the conventions that our jaded society has engrained in our heads for no good reason and has thus made our lives so much more complicated. It would be easier if humans remembered the little joys of life and did not get caught up in the unnecessary trials and tribulations that do anything but enrich that interval between birth and death.

Conventions that I will reverse when I rule the world:

1. Ironed clothes
An office-going bachelor's worst enemy is the wrinkled shirt/pair of trousers. Why can't I just walk into work with a wrinkled up shirt without having people think I just walked in after a long night out?

2. A lack of/well-groomed facial hair
One of the thinks I look forward to most on weekends is the freedom to not shave. It takes too much time and is too much of a hassle.

3. Farting in the absence of others
Ok, this one might be debatable because of the smell aspect, but few things are as liberating as letting one rip in a place full of people. Think I'm weird? The next time you're at a loud, crowded bar or club, try it. You won't have to feel conscious because nobody will hear it and anyone could be the dealer of the stench. But you will know. And you will smile. I have smiled many times before. Many times.

4. Breakfast food only being eaten in the morning
I salute restaurants that serve breakfast all day. I frown upon people that have told me it's weird to eat a good omelette at night.

5. Paying for things you buy
Ok, this might be hard because of a little thing called economics but when I rule the world economics won't matter. Shopping will be free. And I will be pleased.

6. Having your schedule determine the time you wake up
This would be reversed. Sleep is good. If you disagree, tell me so when we meet next and I will slap you.

Also, interestingly, as I read over what I just wrote, I see that the subjects I speak about are: work, eating/drinking, toilet, sleep, shopping. These are pretty much the main focuses of my life right now. Happy birthday to me.